I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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