I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
