You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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