Dual....:-)
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
