mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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