I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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