We're like a lot better than the average bears
I can text with my tongue
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
