But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
