She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
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he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
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Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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