sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
