Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
