C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
