WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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