Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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