At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Randomize
