roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
