We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
