Yo dont text me then not text me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
