Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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