For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
