how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
BRING THE BAGELS
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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