u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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