Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
