In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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