so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
