i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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