dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
