Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
