There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
