happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
