He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
