then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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