Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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