is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
