I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
