i barfeds in our rink
You smell like a Billy Joel song
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
After tacos, we're chasing women.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
