Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
