I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the day after is always just damage control
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Drake has all the answers
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
