I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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