If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
