First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
cat food counts as protein by the way
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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