TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I don't think brook has ever known best
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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