Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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