Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
