Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
