Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That accounts for only three of the penises
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
