just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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