i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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