it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
