why didn't you poke me back
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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