dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
