Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
