Having a random hookup so left but love u
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
