Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
