I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
