Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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