dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
