Kareoke will never be a sober sport
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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