she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
