I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
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and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
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Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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