One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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