i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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