in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
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why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
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BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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