Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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