i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
