im six kinds of drunk right now
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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