Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
