Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Yeah, i think she was German or something.

(1-405): View more from Oklahoma

No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.

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(253): View more from Washington

dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool

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(613): View more from Ontario

the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles

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(765): View more from Indiana

my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.

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(830): View more from Texas

Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.

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(+49): View more from Germany

I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!

(303): View more from Colorado

It's a Tuesday.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her

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(269): View more from Michigan

Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...

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