you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
not ubering you a puppy
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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