Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
