My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
