he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
