My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
