i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Never joke about your clitoris.
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