Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
