when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
