update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
