just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
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No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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