I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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