Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
