The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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