Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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