Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize