I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
