I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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