So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
