Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom

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(206): View more from Washington

You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her

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(909): View more from California

The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."

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(256): View more from Alabama

Just make sure my intervention has a theme...

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(716): View more from New York

and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt

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(907): View more from Alaska

who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit

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(207): View more from Maine

he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot

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(330): View more from Ohio

Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would

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