you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
