TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
