I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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