life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
