OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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