I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
